Last night was a hard one. I was craving CHOCOLATE. And lots of it.
Yesterday started off well enough. I had healthy, on-plan snacks and meals, drank lots of water, had a nice, lunchtime walk, and had a great, surprise weigh-in. (That weigh-in thing is a long story, but the scale showed that I'm already losing weight.) After lunch, though, things took a downward turn. Someone brought in candy, Twizzlers, no less, one of my favorites. Then I started to feel a bit icky. You know that dull scratch in the back of your throat coupled with a stuffy nose that immediately creates that sense of dread? That's how I felt. And I said as much to MM via text. My plan was to go home and crash on the couch.
MM had been sick the weekend before and his started out the same way, so I was pretty sure I was going to be out for a day or two. Because of that, I decided to walk another 30 minutes when I got home, just in case I wasn't able to Friday-Sunday. That was a hooray moment, as I really didn't feel that bad, but not that great, either. I was glad to log 60 minutes of walking for the day, though.
Dinner was yummy, if a little bit too buttery, but it was salmon and I had lots of veggies with it, so I felt okay about it. Then 8:00 p.m. came around, and the chocolate-monster reared his ugly head. I made chocolate-chip pumpkin cookies for MM last weekend, bought some gourmet chili-caramels while shopping, and had a friend buy me three organic chocolate bars when she went out for lunch one day last week. So, all those delicious goodies are bagged up in the bottom drawer of the fridge just waiting for me to crack. I can't see them when I'm in the fridge but my goodness do I know they're there.
My first thought was to sneak a chocolate square while MM was in the shower, then I thought the little chocolate chips would be easier. Finally, before I could act on my deceitful thoughts, MM got out of the shower. Thank goodness. I was still craving chocolate, though, so I thought I might be able to get away with a mug of hot chocolate. No, that wouldn't do either. For me, eating chocolate leads to eating more chocolate. It's hard to have just one.
So, how did I remedy the situation? I ate a bowl of grapes to banish the stomach gurgles and went to bed early. Not the most ideal solution, but it worked!! In the end, though, I won the battle against my cravings. I didn't give in, even when I really wanted to. So, last night will be counted as a victory in my book, even though I struggled. I didn't cave and that's what's important in the long run. (Thank goodness for MM's timing, though!)
One day, down the road, I may be one of those people who can indulge in a square of dark chocolate every other day. Right now, though, with my resolve being so fresh and new, I must stay away from it until my body and my will power are ready!
This weekend I am going to start crocheting a ruffled scarf and matching beanie to keep my hands busy when the cravings hit. That will be my plan from now on: keep projects at the ready that will prevent me from eating. Not acceptable: throwing away all that delectable chocolate! That would just be too painful!!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
2.5 Days Down; 327.5 Days To Go!!
After 2.5 days on this current track, I'm feeling great. I know that it always seems I fall off the wagon after the first week, but I'm really, really going to fight that this time.
I threw that 9-month time period in there and now I don't know if I regret it or not. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that I have a final goal date in mind. Of course, nobody made me calculate that I was 9 months away and I certainly didn't have to break it down into days, either!
I went to our Wednesday lunch-time support meeting and it was very nice. I had a leftover half of a chicken breast on a romaine salad and we ate outside in the rose garden, which was very pleasant. The weather is just right for that now.
Zumba Monday night was lots of fun and made me really sore, so I know I worked some good muscles there. I also walked twice for 30 minutes yesterday and did a 35-minute walking dvd that amounted to two miles this morning. Tonight, if MM doesn't get back from inspections in time to leave for Bible Study, I'll be back at Zumba at 6:30. I'm looking forward to both, so I won't really be disappointed regardless of what happens.
So, things are good on the eating "front" and the workout "front", so it seems I'm doing this right for now. I know that the weekly meetings with the ladies at work and the weekly meetings with the church group will be key in keeping me accountable and on track. I know that expecting to actually lose 2 lbs. a week may be a pipe dream, but I will do my best to fight for the goals I want to reach. Some days will be a struggle, but some days, like the past 2.5, will breeze by and I'll be so thankful that I made the right choices for my body!
I threw that 9-month time period in there and now I don't know if I regret it or not. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that I have a final goal date in mind. Of course, nobody made me calculate that I was 9 months away and I certainly didn't have to break it down into days, either!
I went to our Wednesday lunch-time support meeting and it was very nice. I had a leftover half of a chicken breast on a romaine salad and we ate outside in the rose garden, which was very pleasant. The weather is just right for that now.
Zumba Monday night was lots of fun and made me really sore, so I know I worked some good muscles there. I also walked twice for 30 minutes yesterday and did a 35-minute walking dvd that amounted to two miles this morning. Tonight, if MM doesn't get back from inspections in time to leave for Bible Study, I'll be back at Zumba at 6:30. I'm looking forward to both, so I won't really be disappointed regardless of what happens.
So, things are good on the eating "front" and the workout "front", so it seems I'm doing this right for now. I know that the weekly meetings with the ladies at work and the weekly meetings with the church group will be key in keeping me accountable and on track. I know that expecting to actually lose 2 lbs. a week may be a pipe dream, but I will do my best to fight for the goals I want to reach. Some days will be a struggle, but some days, like the past 2.5, will breeze by and I'll be so thankful that I made the right choices for my body!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
9 Months From Now...
...I will not have a baby (probably), but that is how long it could take for me to reach my goal weight. And that's considering a healthy, two-pound-a-week weight loss journey. What is nine months? Nothing! I've calculated that, starting yesterday, I could be at my FINAL goal weight in nine months which is the week before my cousin's wedding AND the week before my birthday. Isn't that awesome?!
The most success I've had thus far in my weight loss journey was following a basic list of Unacceptable/Acceptable Foods and Rules for Eating that MM developed for me. Quite frankly, it's common sense; eat non-processed, healthy foods most of the time and do so in small portions. Give yourself a little "treat" every now and then and KEEP GOING if you get off track. That's it. That's how you eat to lose weight. When I think about how easy it is in theory, I feel like an idiot for not accomplishing it yet, but I know that it's not just as easy as that unless I let it be. I know that I've let my emotions and lack of discipline and motivation get in the way.
I have made some promising strides in the past two days. I've committed to surrounding myself with positive people who will support my efforts as much as I support theirs. I've also committed to going to two support groups expressly geared towards weight loss and healthy living. I have committed to see this through, meeting new goals each month, but only taking it one day at a time. Here are my October goals:
-Go to Zumba every Monday I'm in town.
-Work out at least 30 minutes 5 days a week in addition to Zumba.
-No sodas of any kind!!
-Eat according to MM's food plan/rules.
-Log all consumption and exercise in a written or online journal.
-Attend Wednesday lunch meetings every week I'm in town.
-Attend all Sunday support group meetings every week I'm in town.
To some, this may seem like a lot. To others, it may seem like too little. For me, it is just right. It will be easy to monitor and will be easy to jump back into if I get off track a little bit. I'm not going to give myself a reward for accomplishing any of it, though. I figure my reward will be the weight/inches I've lost on November 1 when I see my goals checked off every day for the rest of the month. I really can't see the results because I know they will be amazing as long as I stick to my goals. I will do my best not to move on to new goals until this month is done and I will not look ahead to tomorrow. I will think about today and focus on the choices I make this moment.
The word "fail" is no longer in my vocabulary and one bump in the road is just that, a bump that I'll fly over and move on from. I will do my best to come back here and update things, even if it's just to ramble like I'm doing today, because I know that it helps me be somewhat accountable.
The most success I've had thus far in my weight loss journey was following a basic list of Unacceptable/Acceptable Foods and Rules for Eating that MM developed for me. Quite frankly, it's common sense; eat non-processed, healthy foods most of the time and do so in small portions. Give yourself a little "treat" every now and then and KEEP GOING if you get off track. That's it. That's how you eat to lose weight. When I think about how easy it is in theory, I feel like an idiot for not accomplishing it yet, but I know that it's not just as easy as that unless I let it be. I know that I've let my emotions and lack of discipline and motivation get in the way.
I have made some promising strides in the past two days. I've committed to surrounding myself with positive people who will support my efforts as much as I support theirs. I've also committed to going to two support groups expressly geared towards weight loss and healthy living. I have committed to see this through, meeting new goals each month, but only taking it one day at a time. Here are my October goals:
-Go to Zumba every Monday I'm in town.
-Work out at least 30 minutes 5 days a week in addition to Zumba.
-No sodas of any kind!!
-Eat according to MM's food plan/rules.
-Log all consumption and exercise in a written or online journal.
-Attend Wednesday lunch meetings every week I'm in town.
-Attend all Sunday support group meetings every week I'm in town.
To some, this may seem like a lot. To others, it may seem like too little. For me, it is just right. It will be easy to monitor and will be easy to jump back into if I get off track a little bit. I'm not going to give myself a reward for accomplishing any of it, though. I figure my reward will be the weight/inches I've lost on November 1 when I see my goals checked off every day for the rest of the month. I really can't see the results because I know they will be amazing as long as I stick to my goals. I will do my best not to move on to new goals until this month is done and I will not look ahead to tomorrow. I will think about today and focus on the choices I make this moment.
The word "fail" is no longer in my vocabulary and one bump in the road is just that, a bump that I'll fly over and move on from. I will do my best to come back here and update things, even if it's just to ramble like I'm doing today, because I know that it helps me be somewhat accountable.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Journal: Day 1
Here's my food log for yesterday:
8:00: 1/2 cup coffee, 8 oz H2O
8:45: 1 cup Fiber One Cereal, 3/4 cup 1% milk, 2 slices turkey bacon
11:00: Yoplait Light Apple Turnover
12:20: Mini-bun, 1T light mayo, 2 slices pastrami, 1 slice pepper jack cheese, small romaine salad w/ 1T Italian dressing, 6 oz H2O
1:15: 1 string cheese, 12 oz cherry coke
3:00: 12 oz pepsi
4:45: Banana, 8 oz H2O
5:00: 60 oz H2O (during workout)
6:30: Mini-bun, 2 slices pepper loaf, 1 slice PJ cheese, 1T sliced onion, 1t EVOO, small romaine salad w/ 1T Italian dressing, small bag of sun chips, 8 oz H2O
9:00: 1 large apple, 2T peanut butter
My workout today was: 5 min. walking warm-up, 40:35 Grinder pyramid 5->25->5, 9:25 cool down.
It was a decent enough day. I didn't record calories, but I've started doing that for this morning. I clearly see where my mistakes were: I shouldn't be drinking any sodas and I need much more fruit/veggies in my day.
I did push it pretty hard for my workout last night, but that resulted in a flair-up of my plantar fasciitis. That is a huge wake up call for me because I haven't had a problem with it since January of 2009. That means that this weight I've put back on is really starting to affect me again. Instead of making me want to slow myself down during workouts, having the heel problem makes me want to push it harder to get the weight off quicker.
I'm leaving for Austin on Saturday for a class for work. I'll have plenty of down time as my roommate is a pretty heavy sleeper and goes to bed very early. My plan is to use that down time to go through two of my bulk cooking cookbooks to find some calorie-controlled meals that I can make ahead and freeze. I think I'll plan on using the weekend after my trip to do a major cook-ahead day to keep the freezer stocked.
Well, that's the post for yesterday. Today's a new day and I'm going to do it as well as I can.
8:00: 1/2 cup coffee, 8 oz H2O
8:45: 1 cup Fiber One Cereal, 3/4 cup 1% milk, 2 slices turkey bacon
11:00: Yoplait Light Apple Turnover
12:20: Mini-bun, 1T light mayo, 2 slices pastrami, 1 slice pepper jack cheese, small romaine salad w/ 1T Italian dressing, 6 oz H2O
1:15: 1 string cheese, 12 oz cherry coke
3:00: 12 oz pepsi
4:45: Banana, 8 oz H2O
5:00: 60 oz H2O (during workout)
6:30: Mini-bun, 2 slices pepper loaf, 1 slice PJ cheese, 1T sliced onion, 1t EVOO, small romaine salad w/ 1T Italian dressing, small bag of sun chips, 8 oz H2O
9:00: 1 large apple, 2T peanut butter
My workout today was: 5 min. walking warm-up, 40:35 Grinder pyramid 5->25->5, 9:25 cool down.
It was a decent enough day. I didn't record calories, but I've started doing that for this morning. I clearly see where my mistakes were: I shouldn't be drinking any sodas and I need much more fruit/veggies in my day.
I did push it pretty hard for my workout last night, but that resulted in a flair-up of my plantar fasciitis. That is a huge wake up call for me because I haven't had a problem with it since January of 2009. That means that this weight I've put back on is really starting to affect me again. Instead of making me want to slow myself down during workouts, having the heel problem makes me want to push it harder to get the weight off quicker.
I'm leaving for Austin on Saturday for a class for work. I'll have plenty of down time as my roommate is a pretty heavy sleeper and goes to bed very early. My plan is to use that down time to go through two of my bulk cooking cookbooks to find some calorie-controlled meals that I can make ahead and freeze. I think I'll plan on using the weekend after my trip to do a major cook-ahead day to keep the freezer stocked.
Well, that's the post for yesterday. Today's a new day and I'm going to do it as well as I can.
Monday, August 16, 2010
What to do, what to do
To say that I'm struggling right now would be an understatement. MM has been sick for 1 1/2 weeks, I'm GAINING weight, and the whole world just seems so "blah" to me right now.
I'm wondering what my next move should be. I have a lot of ideas, but I'm just not sure how well I'll follow through on them. One thing I want to do is get another pedometer. I've found this one and I really like that it has software that comes with it. My goal is to one day achieve 10,000 steps a day, not including my workouts, but I think it'll be best to wait and find out what I'm actually accomplishing now.
Nutrisystem is a program that I'm considering doing, but I'm thinking that there has to be an easier, cheaper way! The bottom line is that I need to reduce calories and learn how to control my portions. Some research has led me to the idea of using Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine meals for lunch and dinner Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, I would still record my calories and keep them under a set limit, but I would cook for MM and I so that I could still enjoy a "home-cooked" meal.
I still want to do this. I still want to get rid of the excess weight that I'm carrying around, but I'm not doing a very good job right now. This morning's weigh-in at the office revealed a 2-lb. gain. How crappy is that? And to top it off, I leave on Saturday for a business trip to Austin. It is a big concern for me and I'm still working out how I'm going to control myself while I'm gone, but I'm sure I'll figure out something!
I'm wondering what my next move should be. I have a lot of ideas, but I'm just not sure how well I'll follow through on them. One thing I want to do is get another pedometer. I've found this one and I really like that it has software that comes with it. My goal is to one day achieve 10,000 steps a day, not including my workouts, but I think it'll be best to wait and find out what I'm actually accomplishing now.
Nutrisystem is a program that I'm considering doing, but I'm thinking that there has to be an easier, cheaper way! The bottom line is that I need to reduce calories and learn how to control my portions. Some research has led me to the idea of using Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine meals for lunch and dinner Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, I would still record my calories and keep them under a set limit, but I would cook for MM and I so that I could still enjoy a "home-cooked" meal.
I still want to do this. I still want to get rid of the excess weight that I'm carrying around, but I'm not doing a very good job right now. This morning's weigh-in at the office revealed a 2-lb. gain. How crappy is that? And to top it off, I leave on Saturday for a business trip to Austin. It is a big concern for me and I'm still working out how I'm going to control myself while I'm gone, but I'm sure I'll figure out something!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Checking In
Checking in. Again. Sigh.
Things aren't going great, but they aren't going too bad, either. I guess the honest answer is that, for right now, I'm maintaining.
We started a "Biggest Loser" style weight loss competition at our office and there are 7 of us competing, so I'm doing my best to use that as a source of motivation. After this week's weigh-in, I'm second-to-last, but I'm not going to let that get to me. It was our first week of competition and some of the people had staggering week 1 numbers. I'm convinced that slow and steady will win this race, so I'm still going to fight for it.
I set two big goals for the 9-week duration of the competition.
1. Lose 18 lbs., or 2 lbs. a week on average.
2. Don't have to pay the "weight gain" penalty in any week.
I know that goal #2 will be easy, but goal #1 is going to take my all my willpower and discipline to take care of. I'm not off on the best foot, having only lost 0.4 lbs. last week, but I know that I can make up the difference with one big week. I'm hoping this week will be it!
Aside from the competition, I've decided to start setting other goals for myself. Each goal will cover 7 days and I will reward myself if I make my goal. Then, I will set a new goal for the following 7 days, but will only reward myself if I maintain the first week's goal as well as accomplish the new one. Typing it out makes it seem complicated, but it's really not. My hope is that this will lead me to build, develop and retain the skills I feel are necessary for a healthy lifestyle. My first 7-day goal is to keep a VERY detailed consumption log. I think my biggest weight loss gaff right now is my unconscious eating. I'm sure that recording every item that goes into my mouth will help me to see unhealthy patterns and get to work on fixing them. My reward for reaching this first goal is a pretty, new food journal from Ivey's.
Well, that's the update for now. July didn't go quite the way I wanted it to, but that's my own fault. I will see to it that August goes better.
Things aren't going great, but they aren't going too bad, either. I guess the honest answer is that, for right now, I'm maintaining.
We started a "Biggest Loser" style weight loss competition at our office and there are 7 of us competing, so I'm doing my best to use that as a source of motivation. After this week's weigh-in, I'm second-to-last, but I'm not going to let that get to me. It was our first week of competition and some of the people had staggering week 1 numbers. I'm convinced that slow and steady will win this race, so I'm still going to fight for it.
I set two big goals for the 9-week duration of the competition.
1. Lose 18 lbs., or 2 lbs. a week on average.
2. Don't have to pay the "weight gain" penalty in any week.
I know that goal #2 will be easy, but goal #1 is going to take my all my willpower and discipline to take care of. I'm not off on the best foot, having only lost 0.4 lbs. last week, but I know that I can make up the difference with one big week. I'm hoping this week will be it!
Aside from the competition, I've decided to start setting other goals for myself. Each goal will cover 7 days and I will reward myself if I make my goal. Then, I will set a new goal for the following 7 days, but will only reward myself if I maintain the first week's goal as well as accomplish the new one. Typing it out makes it seem complicated, but it's really not. My hope is that this will lead me to build, develop and retain the skills I feel are necessary for a healthy lifestyle. My first 7-day goal is to keep a VERY detailed consumption log. I think my biggest weight loss gaff right now is my unconscious eating. I'm sure that recording every item that goes into my mouth will help me to see unhealthy patterns and get to work on fixing them. My reward for reaching this first goal is a pretty, new food journal from Ivey's.
Well, that's the update for now. July didn't go quite the way I wanted it to, but that's my own fault. I will see to it that August goes better.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I'm Off in La-La Land
There are no excuses to what I've done to myself. None whatsoever.
I'm in a bit of a tailspin and I'm hoping and praying that I can get it under control soon. I think that the worst thing about it is that everyone around me thinks that everything is hunky-dory. The problem is that it's not. I'm dipping into a bit of a funk that I'm worried will have turned into a deep-set depression by the end of the month.
You see, it's all about babies. I have baby fever. Conceiving and carrying children is my #1 motivation for losing weight right now. But, I see that another friend is pregnant, or hear about a teenager who pops up pregnant and it just reminds me that I'm not. It used to be okay, but now it's even getting hard to feel happy for my friends, especially those who already have one or more. I know that's an ugly way for me to feel, but it's hard to shake.
I'm droopy and, unfortunately, food tends to be my comfort and strength. I cook to relieve stress and soothe myself and I eat what tastes good for immediate pleasure. I know that this is super detrimental and counter-productive, but I just don't care in the moment.
My prayer is that over the next few days I will be able to sit down and re-evaluate every aspect of my life. I need to rely on God, not food, for my comfort. I need to take a walk or a jog, not cook, when I need stress-relief. It is so hard, but I want to do it. I honestly just don't know if I can. I hope I can. I really, really do.
I'm in a bit of a tailspin and I'm hoping and praying that I can get it under control soon. I think that the worst thing about it is that everyone around me thinks that everything is hunky-dory. The problem is that it's not. I'm dipping into a bit of a funk that I'm worried will have turned into a deep-set depression by the end of the month.
You see, it's all about babies. I have baby fever. Conceiving and carrying children is my #1 motivation for losing weight right now. But, I see that another friend is pregnant, or hear about a teenager who pops up pregnant and it just reminds me that I'm not. It used to be okay, but now it's even getting hard to feel happy for my friends, especially those who already have one or more. I know that's an ugly way for me to feel, but it's hard to shake.
I'm droopy and, unfortunately, food tends to be my comfort and strength. I cook to relieve stress and soothe myself and I eat what tastes good for immediate pleasure. I know that this is super detrimental and counter-productive, but I just don't care in the moment.
My prayer is that over the next few days I will be able to sit down and re-evaluate every aspect of my life. I need to rely on God, not food, for my comfort. I need to take a walk or a jog, not cook, when I need stress-relief. It is so hard, but I want to do it. I honestly just don't know if I can. I hope I can. I really, really do.
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