Starting Over

I opened my journal tonight and was very dismayed by all the blank pages. The past two months have been pretty bad and I'm pretty sure that I'm almost back up to my January 2009 weight. That's a really hard pill to swallow, but I did it to myself. No time for a pity party, though. I'm moving on.

We start our "Biggest Loser" competition at work on Monday and L, D and I also start Phase 1 of South Beach on Monday. I can't believe I'm feeling this way, but I'm SO ready for it. I just can't wait for the clean, energetic feeling that comes on the fifth or sixth day of P1. I know it's going to be hard, but I want to be done with this. I want to be at my goal weight and I still think it's possible to do that by the end of the year, even after losing two full months. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and I will start each day in prayer because I know even one successful day is impossible without Him.

Construction delayed

My efforts to remodel my temple have been greatly hindered by my own lack of self-discipline. I'm finally coming to terms with myself, though and am preparing for a renewed effort. Step one is getting out there and spreading the word, admitting my failure and proclaiming that construction will resume soon, with some new methods. Stay tuned!

Well, that didn't take long

I didn't just fall off the wagon this time. I straight up flung myself off the back, giggling all the way. What do I have to show for it? I'm ending the month of January with a total loss of just 3 lbs. At this rate, it will take me 19 more months to make my goal. That's not going to work for me. Everything just seemed to snowball on me. I had one bad day and shook it off. Then another and another. Until, finally, I'm spending my days od'd on sugar and the like and can't seem to get out of my self-induced every bad food under the sun coma. I've got to get back on track, but I'm struggling with taking the first step.

I'd like to set up a goal of 9 lbs of loss for Feb., but I'm worried that I'll be setting myself up for failure. Let's say I only lose 6 lbs rather than 9, is that really a failure? I've got to get rid of this all or nothing mentality. I'm floundering under my own lack of willpower. I've got a lot of thinking to do and I just need to get out of this cycle, starting right now. I've got to make the changes happen!