Living Life

The truth of the matter is that there is nothing so motivating as tragedy. MM's ex-step-sister passed away on May 28. She was only 22 years old. Her death has been hard on us, but we are comforted in knowing that she's moved on to happier places.

Her death has also been a swift kick-in-the-pants for me as far as life goes. Life is SO fragile and can be taken away in a moment, so why shouldn't we live each moment to the fullest? It's about time that I start. The only problem is that my life will never be lived to the fullest as long as I'm overweight. As soon as I was able to process the fact that Crystal was gone, I had to face ME. I was not happy with what I saw and felt and, to be quite honest, I knew in an instant that I did not want to end my life looking and feeling the way I do.

Figuring out what step to take next was rather difficult. I want something that I can do, but I don't want to give up some of the things I love (like cooking). I considered Nutrisystem for a few days by reasoning that I would still have to cook for MM. But, if I'm not able to eat the food I make, it's not as rewarding. So Nutrisystem was scrapped. Then, I really thought about what part of weight loss was really holding me back. Was it exercise? No, not really. I love to work out. Was it knowing what to eat? No, not that, either. I know what to eat and when to eat it. What could it be, then? The only thing I could come up with was that there was some psychological block I have. After coming to that realization, I started searching for a solution.

My first thought was a support group of some sort. I found a Weight Watchers group, but it's an hour away on Tuesday nights, so I would have to leave work early AND be driving home late in the evening. Not good. I then thought about an online support group, but no-dice. It's too easy to get out of it. You just don't go online that day. Finally, I found what I'm praying will be an answer.

I purchased three books by Dr. Judith Beck, The Beck Diet Solution, Weight Loss Workbook, and The Beck Diet for Life. From the research I've done, the "Beck Solution" is a 6-week program that centers on cognitive therapy methods. The main point is to show the reader why they haven't lost weight and correct those sabotaging behaviors.

With MM's blessing, I've ordered the books with 2-day shipping, so they should be here by Friday. I'm planning on spending much of my weekend getting the crap food out of the house and putting the healthy food in. This is going to include preparing quite a few items to freeze so that I won't be without a meal. I'll also get back on track with my menu planning.

One of the first aspects of the book is finding a weight-loss coach. I've found a great one, my BFF from way-back-when. She's an amazing friend and has lost 20+ since March and I know that she is going to be a great motivator for me. Another first part is to find two diet plans to work on. The Beck Diet Solution isn't a diet, so you have to find what will work for you on your own. I've decided to start back up on MM's prescribed eating plan for me which led to my 20 lb. weight loss last year. For my back-up, I'll rely on the good ole SBDiet.

I'm hopeful that this is going to be the final stretch for me. I want to do this for me, my husband, my future children (Lord-willing) and, now, Miss Crystal. I want to get out of this crap body that is holding me back and recreate what God intended it to be.

I'll start posting the stats and such tomorrow. I'll be doing an official starting weight on Monday and set some goals, set up a food journal and etc. after I've gotten a few days of the book under my over-sized belt.